I think a lot of it is/was guilt. For the entire time this was happening, I kept thinking that my interaction with him somehow influenced his ability to stay sober, for better or for worse.
It was only today that I figured out that was not the case.
I think part of me is just stunned right now. I should leave, and take my dog, too. I just . . . it's so overwhelming, to think about all of the things that have to/are going to happen.