Thanks for all the wonderful replies. I am taking great solace in this board. Chy I also feel that my bottom was more emotional then anything else. My life was slowly drifting away and I just couldn't stand myself anymore. I think one morning, it just crashed down on me -- everything I had missed in my fog and ever tangible thing I could possibly lose and it terrified me.
I don't know what made that day different from every other day but I am grateful the day came.
Be well,
Necile