I think it's also important to note that although the codependent may be hurting the addict (as the above letter implies)......they are hurting the other people who love them.
Just as the addict is doing what they do, thinking the whole time that they aren't hurting anyone except for themselves and they have no real clue as to the anguish they are causing their loved ones, the codependent does the same thing. They continue in the unhealthy, often destructive, interaction with the addict thinking that THEY are the ones being hurt.....THEY are the ones in anguish. They are often completely oblivious to the anguish they are causing others who love THEM as they observe the obviously unhealthy relationship the codependent has with the addict. This would include parents, siblings, and perhaps most importantly.....children.
The codependent is expecting the ADDICT to change....but so much can be accomplished when the codependent stops expecting (or trying to force, cajole, or shame) the addict to change and begins to do some very important work on themselves.
I understand that not everyone is codependent. My dear husband does not have a codependent bone in his body.....at all. But the thing that is sad, is that most codependents are stuck in deep, deep denial of the unhealthy nature of their own behaviors. Just as the addict is the last one to admit they are addicted yet everyone else around them knows......the codependent is often the last one to understand that they are a codependent.
There was a thread a long time ago that was like the Jeff Foxworthy thing of you may be a redneck if......There's a long list of codependent traits.......you may be a codependent if...... Personally, I can laugh at myself....but as I was in the initial stages of realizing that I was codependent.....I was wickedly, vehemently denying it.
I am not suggesting that anyone on this forum is or is not codependent. That is for each individual to decide.
hugs
ke