workingonwishes

hi everyone, i'm back after being dormant for a few months.

i had been better about controlling my drinking so far this year (since 1/1). i had been able to go out and only have a few at a time and i rarely have booze in the house. everything was going great! until yesterday...

i went out for the city's st. patrick's day celebration. it was one of those days where i started at 3:00pm and just didn't stop. (that is why tomorrow will be my official day 1, since i had some drinks in the early hours of this morning.) i haven't had any since i woke up today but i feel really lousy. guilty that i drove home and mostly just frustrated. i feel like all of the progress i made the last couple months has gone out the window. the thing is, i KNEW i was going to get hammered yesterday and i didn't care. and i KNEW i would feel ****** about it today but i did it anyway... WHY?!?!

i like the idea of my sobriety date being on st. patrick's day. kind of poetic because i am 100% irish and the day has always been trouble in the past. even though i have already "celebrated," i am glad the holiday itself is on a monday, and i never drink during the work week.

i returned to SR to remind myself that problem drinkers cannot control their drinking. it's all or nothing when it comes to quitting. and whether you have a day, week, or month under your belt of "handling it" you can never predict when you will take it too far one day for know explainable reason.

thanks for reading