I think the basic motivation is you don't like your life, who you are, or what drinking is doing to you.
If you're still ambivalent on that, it makes it harder.
I looked at it this way - I spent years drinking...I committed to spending at least 3 months sober.
If you can't do that, or if you're finding trouble finding that commitment or motivation to start, then maybe you have to accept you simply can't do this on your own romando?
perhaps some face to face support like AA will help?
D