Important decisions to make
My mom is an active alcoholic. She just returned from a nursing home stay and immediately went back to drinking. She said she'd moderate --I know I know--but went and bought vodka not even a week after she got home. She gave it to me and agreed to 2 glasses of wine a day. This is very stressful for me and my husband who thought we could move in with her and help her around the house--she's almost 80--and also have the benefit of a better job market for us and help her out with some of her expenses.
My husband and I have started attending Alanon and realize it's futile to try to control her drinking. I have had financial and medical power of attorney for some time. I'm considering giving those up as they seem to only make it easier for her to drink and not experience the consequences. I'm torn about this decision because she is almost 80 and has some physical and mental deficits from her years of hard drinking.
We have decided we cannot move in with her. I can maintain contact with her and see her once a week to make sure she gets her shopping done and set boundaries like we won't do for her what she could do for herself if she weren't drinking. She no longer drives or has a car.
My dilemma is with the powers of attorney. She does not have huge assets and will be out of money besides her SS in about a year. She owns her own house. I can't compel her to sell or put her in extended care. She can still drink in assisted living and will probably get thrown out.
My husband is sick of the toll this has taken on me and our marriage. I have brothers who maintain distance but support me. Having trouble making decisions. I know this will kill her if she doesn't stop, and my holding the reigns only prolongs everyone's agony.
I intend to contact an Alanon sponsor tonight, but would like any suggestions, experience, advice, etc.
Thank you.