The Revelation....
I have read so much valuable information about addiction - thanks to so many of you, yet I still continued to struggle with it. The why's, the how's, the when's...the should of, would of, could of's...still boggled my mind.
But after reading this post by Lilamy ..... I finally get it!
"The addiction is stronger than most everything (definitely including a spouse's love). The addiction does not want to share its host organism with anything. It's self-perpetuating and wants it's drug and that's it. So everything an addict does serves this purpose."
When my husband was in recovery, he was such a good person. But sadly, he became the "host" again for such an evil disease. It has taken over all the good, all that was decent and I hardly know who he is know....based on his decision making.
I think I finally understand. I think I can finally accept the last few things I found very difficult to reconcile. He will stay a "host" until he decides to kick this disease's butt. Sadly, that day may never come. Nothing left to do but pray, pray, pray!!