That was the shortest pity party I've ever seen. I think I'll relegate it to..."pity gathering" or maybe even "pity table for one...to go please". I believe a real party would last much longer and have a few more guests lingering on the couch.
You are WAY stronger than you think. Way stronger. Give yourself that credit. You cancelled your party before I even showed up! Too bad, I made dip.
I'm so sorry it has to hurt. I STILL have moments out of the blue (just yesterday) where I'm almost furious that mine could throw all of this away... because a sane, healthy person never would have. But ahhh...those stinking key words again...
Thankfully, you do get to keep you. Doesn't feel great now, I know. It will. That's the real prize in all of this. We tend to forget that sometimes.
Lots of hugs to you today.