I can only imagine how hard it is, but you've made it REALLY far. I am preparing to be where you are, and I am fully aware that once I am gone, all of the years of chaos, hurt, verbal abuse, and lost time will hit me like a ton of bricks. But on the bright side...getting away from that negative, soul-sucking influence. It probably takes some time to heal. But you're out of there! That's something to be proud of. Dealing with all of this beats you down so much. Sometimes I want to completely fall apart and just be sedated and lie in bed, but my kids need me and we are trying to be good moms, aren't we? It's not fair, but you have a lot going for you. I do, too. I'm fortunate that I have the ability to support myself and the kids when I leave. I cry thinking about those who don't. It's hard but you can do it : )