Welcome back!
Your letter is full of self-reproach and also a lot of future destruction thoughts! You know that a lot of that is caused by the drinking. Drinking takes our self-confidence and tosses it right out the window.
I felt exactly like you: feeling worthless, not making a salary, felt like my husband made all the decisions, couldn't relate to the friends I had. Etc.
You can change all of that and get your confidence back, it really can happen in recovery.
The chances of you making it happen without a program are slim, though. I would highly recommend that you get working on this today: find a program, or outpatient care, or an addictions therapist. Or, you do can do what I did: all of that!
I made my recovery a full time job.
It's paid off a hundred fold. I can't emphasize enough the rewards you will experience in sobriety.