Your questions reminds of what is normal, the number one characteristic of Adult Children of alcoholics:
1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-children.html
Feelings and normal for us is just what works. And what works as a child to survive usually doesn't continue to work as we age, thus the problems. We have no framework to mature with and are stuck in childhood ways to deal. That's why counseling and reading is important to help us figure out a life map to follow.