I'm not confused by you at all Karate
As I've said several times I *was* you.
I think if each of us here is honest, part of the road to acceptance is that swinging between brief moments of clarity and honesty - where you
know exactly what drinking is doing to you...
and much longer stretches of BS where you try and convince everyone else, and yourself, that you're doing ok taming the Alcoholism beast....
eventually, if you're lucky, the denial moments get shorter and farther between, and the honest clear moments grow to fill that gap.
I honestly genuinely and sincerely hope you get lucky Karate
D