connop1

I've only been an ex-drinker and using the AV method for a few days, but having successfully used a similar method to stop smoking in the past I can already tune-in quite efficiently into the AV and I know this method is going to work for me. I was a fairly epic binge drinker up until earlier in the week.

I feel a great weight has been lifted and I'm finding myself quite amused at some of the thoughts I'm having to brush off, it feels a bit weird to be sharing an internal monologue but it's just the internets so why not eh?

It seems like the part of me that tries to come up with reasons to drink is like an old friend from school who can't let go of being a teenager and doesn't seem able to learn from the past. Today alone I've had:

"You can't have the last drink of your legendary drinking career be a can of pre-mixed vodka and cranberry. Why not go down the shop get yourself a ridiculously priced bottle of champagne and end the drinking-era in real style?"

It had me going for a few seconds there I must admit. Also I had a whole back and forth of:

- "Why so rash eh? Why not simply put aside 4 days in every year in which you are allowed to drink? You could draw up a calendar and maybe even go somewhere special and everything, or maybe only drink really good quality, expensive, exclusive booze. In fact, to celebrate such a great compromise, lets go down the dram shop this instant, pick something out, then crack open a fine single malt to have today as one of this year's four days, seeing as it's March already this can be this quarter's day."
- "Ok wait a minute.... Let me get this straight? I should celebrate identifying and overcoming an alcohol problem by what now?"
- "getting a nice single mal..."
- "ok, I'm going to stop this here. I think there may a suggestion of something a bit stupid coming up, do you want to have a think about this?"
- "gosh connop, you're right, that is stupid, the dram shop doesn't open until 7, we should just go to the pub for a coup..."
- "Ok, sorry buddy, going to have to stop you there, I've just remembered I need to be thinking about actual things at the moment...tell you what I'll, erm, give you a call or something maybe?"
- "but..."
- "Toodles!"

One other thought, an equally silly and serious thought maybe. I think a part of me fell in love with the mythology and romance of the self-destructive, tragic, boozy poet/artist/comedian/actor/musician types. I would say to the point that I even had a suspicion of non-drinkers, but it's become clearer to me now that it's actually quite narcissistic. Sometimes I'd be hammered listening to some music thinking "noone feels pain like I do, I am such a tragic, glamorous, mess". Whereas the reality is I would be sat at the computer in my pants with a mug of wine trying to remember the name of some song I liked 15 years ago so I could YouTube it. Sporadically forgetting I had the mug of wine and so going downstairs wondering what the hell had happened to all the wine glasses, pouring a mug of wine, going upstairs sitting at the computer... and repeating until passing out. Silly really when I actually think about it.