16 Months Ago
I sat here on my first Friday night. Logged into SR reading and reading. I used to read here until I was tired and I would notice the SR traffic decreasing and wishing there were more new posts to read. I wish you all well. Stick here and make it work. Even at moderate levels, alcohol is bad for our bodies. Addicted or alcoholic or not, alcohol is unhealthy. It's gotten that simple for me, but it was a long road. I never had a DUI or jail, etc. I had a handle on it for a long time, but I could feel my grip starting to slip. Nobody I know thought I had a problem, but I sneaked my drinks, hid my bottles, rotated my stores, spiced my coffee and grinned through my hangovers like a pro.
For what it's worth, the single greatest revelation I had in this journey was this: I never wanted one drink, I don't miss one drink. I no longer romanticize about having 'A Beer' because I never had A beer. I drank because I liked to get drunk. I always did and I always will. So here's my advice, let go of the 'I miss a glass of wine' or 'I miss having a beer'. No you don't. No I don't. I tried hundreds of times to have one or two. Maybe thousands of times actually. I just can't.
Second, don't spend too much time worrying about how deep your bottom is. IMHO the bottom doesn't make us stop, our soul makes us stop. If you feel your done, don't worry that maybe your weren't bad enough. Bad enough isn't usually what it takes. Just consider yourself lucky because the bad **** could be just around the corner.
I had been sober for 7 years at one point. For anyone thinking about testing the waters again. Bad idea.
Be well. Stick around. One day at a time, or even one minute at a time if that's what it takes. Peace and I hope everyone has a good sober weekend.
VR