This is hard.
Surely somewhere inside you cared, so it will hurt. I mean really even with the damage and pain I would bet big that you still hope that one day ... for him ... that he finds recovery and life again. It is so normal to mourn, to be sad, hell even to hope...
And the good stuff in it all is being able to separate the above and know also how important it is to save your own life ... To give yourself the best chance for all the endless possibilities that are out there waiting. And so you know just in case you have any doubt, they are.
Be gentle with yourself.