Hey ziggy! Hugs to you! Maybe you could pay your respects in private in your own spiritual way. Of course, if you decide to go that's a completely respectable decision as well. But maybe having some private time for prayer/spiritual reflection to honor your ex's life would help you grieve and show your respects without ripping the scab off the wound that you've worked so hard to heal! I can only imagine what kind of gut wrenching and conflicting emotions attending his ceremony would bring. Whatever you choose I wish you the best of luck! Xx