Sinead O'Connor. One of my favorite artists. I think you will see with time and with perseverance that you are making a solid difference in your life. Losing loved ones is not an easy thing to process. and from what I am gathering, you are starting to process and to see what is keeping you in a place of stagnation. You are doing well. Let it all out and move forward. Please know that you are not alone and we all are here to support and uplift in the ways that we can. I commend you for coming back and for taking the necessary steps to resolve this pain. Hugs to you.