FindTheAnswer,
Wow.
I usually find Least to have great feedback. Also, Apophylite gave the best on this, "I feel guilty when I look back so now I try to only look forward".
I forgive myself every day, over coffee.
No, you can't make it up ... you can only look forward. The guilt and the wasted time will kill you if you let it. so don't let it.
easier said than done, but you can't change the past. however you can make the best of the present and future. doing that is enough to win his heart. after all he loves you and being healthy now is the best you can ever do.
there is always time to make more, new memories.
and, something I'm often told, "don't be so hard on yourself".