Space - I'm just so glad you decided to post, even in the midst of your pain & confusion. You can make it out of this terrible time and live again in a new & better way. I drank 30 yrs. and now have 6 yrs sober. I never dreamed I'd make it 'alone' without my buffer - but here I am, and life is not the terrible challenge I made it out to be. I just needed to get clearheaded and stop numbing myself.
I'm sorry you lost your dad. Sending love out to you, praying for you to be comforted - and hoping you will stay with us. We care.