I was in a relationship once, and it ended very badly. Like, horribly. Like, he absolutely destroyed my life, for real (I know people say that, but it's true in this case). For FIVE years I hid-no friends, no relationships, nothing, except family. You could also call me cold and unemotional, although that is from my childhood, but I can guarantee this made it worse.
So, of course, I decide to start dating again, and end up with an alcoholic. No better, but for me, I am better able to handle the situation because of it. I am not going to do the same things I did before-I lost five years of my life that I can't get back, because of some loser dude. Now, I know better.
But yeah, I do wonder about the effect it has on the kids, because I am...a lot of things that good mothers are not. I am emotionally unavailable, to everyone, not just the kids, and even to myself. I never let myself break down, freak out, cry, whatever, and sometimes, you just need it. I am working on it, but I know what you mean. It's a tough situation to be in, for everyone.