On Learning how to break up
It has sometimes occurred to me recently that I never properly learned how to break up with anyone, and therefore this is contributing to my inability to just LET GO and get on with my life after kicking out my alcoholic ex fiance a couple months ago. I was thinking back to when I was a kid, earlier today. I grew up in a home with just my sister and my mother. My parents divorced when I was a toddler, dad came around a few times a year, and my mother NEVER dated, EVER. She is very cold and unemotional and never had any sort of relationships with anyone, beyond family, that were anything but superficial...even family relationships were pretty superficial and had NO relationships with men, beyond work. I was thinking how kids model their lives after their parents' lives, how we learn to do and be who we are by the experiences we see and share in our home life. And it sort of hit me, I had never seen her experience a relationship, the compromise it takes to make marriage work, the work involved in it, etc. I never saw her argue with other adults, I never saw her end a relationship or go through a break up, even with friends. Its a normal part of growing up, you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever, and for whatever reason it goes to pot and you break up. It happens in friendships as well. You learn to accept that sometimes people won't always love you, or you them, and that things end and you then move on. I had plenty of boyfriends who broke up with me or me with them. Plenty of friends that I lost, etc, as is normal in everyone's lives, but I have always had a very hard time with breaking up. Its like many people just quit the relationship and move on and its not a big deal to them but its always been fairly devastating to me when it happens. Don't mistake what I am saying as blaming my mom for my crappy relationship with am alcoholic guy who abused me nor for the fact that I am struggling to get over him. Its just that I wonder if I somehow missed a life lesson somewhere, because I think I have always had a hard time with it, but especially this time round. Its like I just am unable to say that's it, we are done and he is gone, done deal, time to shut the door on the whole mess. Its almost like I do not know HOW to just say ok, well it didn't work out, dust off my hands and turn to the next order of business. Like I never learned that sometimes it doesn't work and when that happens, ok, its not the end of the world, life goes on and its OK to just live and go on and do my own thing. I dunno even how to say it right, so I apologize if I am rambling nonsensically. I just thought of it and figured it would be good to get feedback from anyone who has had enough therapy to understand what I am very badly trying to say? I feel like I should...while yes, be hurt over having to make him leave...I feel I should be able to accept that it has ended, it is what it is, and not feel like my whole world just tilted off its axis forever never to return to normal ever again. I guess I never learned that its ok if I just let go and move on without falling apart, etc.