Essentially, Al-Anon and Nar-Anon subscribe to a belief in a power greater than ourselves. The 12 steps are based on the same 12 steps of AA and NA but Step One is slightly adjusted for family/friends. The remaining 11 steps are identical to AA and NA. The most basic way that I can explain those programs is that they help us work through our feelings, look inward (and to a higher power) for answers, and provides a "how to" find peace within ourselves whether the alcoholic or addict continues to drink/use or not. There is no suggestion to stay with the addicted loved one nor is there ever a suggestion to leave them.
There is some great literature available from both organizations. Two of my favorites from Al-Anon are "Paths to Recovery" and "How Al-Anon Works". The second book described my feelings and emotions as it related to addiction/alcoholism to a tee. The primary book for Nar-Anon is called "Sharing Experience, Strength, and Hope" (SESH) and it is a daily reader that helps to stay positive and again.....look inward. There are many daily readers available through Al-Anon and I have several of them loaded on my iPhone so that I can reference the positive, self affirming messages at any time.
To answer your question regarding how the literature becomes conference approved......much of it has been written by ordinary people.....members if you will. It is then submitted and reviewed by a literature committee. It is then passed back through the regions, areas, and groups for further review before going back to the WSO (World Service Organization) for final approval and publication. There is nothing secret per se about Al-Anon and Nar-Anon but anonymity is an important element......just as confidentiality is important with a therapist. Unfortunately, there is still stigma attached to alcoholism and drug addiction......and the concept of anonymity provides a feeling of security for members.
Just as AA and NA are alcoholics and addicts helping each other.....Al-Anon and Nar-Anon are people whose lives have been impacted by alcoholism or addiction helping others whose lives have also been impacted by the drinking or substance abuse of a relative or friend. The term "codependency" is not (or very, very, very seldom) referenced in Al-Anon or Nar-Anon literature.
If you aren't interested or are unable to go to meetings but want to know more, the three books mentioned above are available online. Many of them are available for Android and iPhone/iPad. They can be downloaded and read.....and that may help you further understand the program. But for me.....there is nothing quite as valuable as face-to-face meetings with others who have lived or are living with alcoholism or addiction. I met some of my dearest friends in those rooms.
There is no need to fully embrace everything said in a meeting......that is where the saying "take what you need and leave the rest" comes in to play.
Nar-Anon and Al-Anon works very well with other methods of self care.....in fact, self care is another aspect of Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. Personally, I used Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, private counseling, yoga, meditation, music, and dance. All of it helped me heal from the fear, anguish, and trauma of loving someone who is addicted.
gentle hugs
ke