Itsmylifenow,
So glad you are going to your therapist. Breaking up is hard and scary and having an objective observer to talk to can be so beneficial. I have realized that although I did fear the loss of emotional intimacy what I truly found most frightening was being alone with my thoughts. Where would those thoughts take me if I wasn't thinking about my X or the latest crisis? it wasn' boredom I feared but the void, the unknown chaos. Perhaps that's why you find yourself obsessing about him and checking his emails, the devil you know is better than the possibility of an even greater calamity? Hope this made sense. Take care