hedes

So smoking weed has made me delusional.I beieve that everyone has god within them therefore they can do anything"super cans". With me getting high ,plus the internet ,has distinctively changed my mindset with extensive research. I'll go from "what is dmt?" to how do we dream to lucid dreaming to the third eye and anything else that correlates..Weed changed my belief system.It started with me coming home high one day and hearing about that Colorado movie theater shooting by James Holmes.Oh before I continue I am schizophrenic so if you notice me jumping around from subject to subject then that's why..now I have to say Schizophrenia to me is just a name given to people "waking up" .The reason why I came to the conclusion to stop getting high everyday is because I noticed everything is wrong and I accepted my dependence upon "Mary". I like her a lot. When shes around I'm happy because that's what I look forward to.It's like my problems are gone, then again what was the cause? When Mary is gone when I wake up I'm sad lol.It's like my objective is to get her back then every thing will go back to normal. I realized that she is only going to leave me if I'm broke.(yes she will clean out your pockets with no remorse and leave)So my higher self said"You don't need kush, you need a life, you need to move on or she'll hold you back".I will turn 20 on March 19th of next month.I have a baby on the way due in June so I have to kick it in gear.I know everything is obtainable with the essential needs. I just have to "let go" in order to move on. The longest I stayed sober was six days.I know what causes my urges...influence.Friends would call trying to get high and I always fall victim.I told myself I will have to surround myself around positive individuals instead of"would've could've". You guys are my motivation.Right now I just want to stay sober so I can have consistent lucid dreams.By day 7 I will have a job.That's my main objective.I think I'm ready to move on.Time to enter the void of solitude.