Normie drinks with friends
My husband is a recovered alcoholic/addict and sober again now for 3 months (this was his third road to sobriety in the past 10 years). I am the "normie." We have been married 2 1/2 years and together 3 1/2. When we met, he had relapsed without my knowledge that he was an alcoholic (he informed me the day the moving van was pulling away from my apartment and I was moving 2000 miles away to live with him).
I basically gave up drinking all together for him and on occasion would have wine with friends (never in front of him) and we've never kept alcohol in the house. The times when I would drink and come home, he would always make an issue of it. So I just stopped drinking all together even when out with friends.
Last year I went to visit friends for a week by myself. I did have a few drinks and during the trip, he made accusations about me drinking and was hard on our relationship. I denied having anything to drink to avoid another argument or admit that I was lying.
Since this time, my husband relapsed, gone to treatment and I have started attending Al Anon meetings twice a week. I am trying hard to work the steps and take care of myself.
The reason for his post, is that this past weekend, I traveled again to see these same friends. This time there wasn't questioning about my drinking until the very last night of my trip. I was sharing with him what we had done the night before and felt like being 100% transparent with him, not lying about what we had done, and that I did have a drink and that we had gone to some stupid inappropriate bar. Well, that completely backfired! I haven't had a drink in almost a year and felt that I did nothing wrong or immoral. I am a Christian and have strong morals that maintain integrity. I am also a compassionate and forgiving person and try not to judge others.
I never judged my husband during his relapses or for any of the inappropriate behavior during his relapse.
I feel that I am now "in trouble" and being judged because I drank with my friends away from him and made an unhealthy decision by going to this bar.
I want him to be okay with my annual drink or that I can have a glass of wine with friends away from him. I don't know if that will ever be the case.
Any advice or experiences that can be shared would be greatly appreciated. Having a hard time with this right now.