I just want to reach thru this site and give you a big hug and tell you it is ok. I know how scared you are now. I slipped on the weekend too, not quite as drunk but still enough to beat myself up. Whatever we are doing is not working well enough for us. I too am in that place where I think I am "missing out" by not drinking and somehow need to banish that thought forever. I think I need to do something like AA but would prefer a non- religious based group but there is nothing else around me. Tell your husband how scared you are, let him see the raw pain, that this is not a choice for you but a serious problem that you need help and understanding with while you seek professional help. Please let me know how you are. Tomorrow will come and the pain will lessen. Much love xxx