I have four children. Two are almost 21 and 19. The other two are 5 and 8. The two older ones biological father is an A and my H is an A. Their father has lived about 4 miles down the road and sees them maybe once a year. He might send a card for their b-day, but it is usually a couple weeks late. They have basically been raised by my current AH since they were 2 and 4. They have both grown into healthy happy young ladies. The oldest married a boy she met at church camp when she was 12! They are in the air force in England. The 19 year old is working fulltime and going to school fulltime. The 18 year old lived in a foster home from 16-18 years old. She had lots of problems running away, permiscuous behavior. No major drug or alcohol problems. I think the key was to keep them busy... keep them active in sports, church youth group, etc. I won't say neither of them will have problems as adults.. .but for now they both seem to be fairly well adjusted.
The 8 year old feels like daddy being gone (I kicked him out three months ago) is her fault and that she wasn't behaving well. We have talked and talked and talked and I believe she now understands. I have been totally honest with them. It was hard with the 8 year old, but she understands a lot more than I was thinking she would.
I would highly recommend, you detach from him and get involved with your kiddos. They need to know someone is on their side. I made the mistake of being so wrapped up with my AH when the two older ones were 10 to 13, that I know that contributed to some of the younger ones problems. THEY NEED TO KNOW THEY ARE LOVED. And, as most of us have learned the hard way, LOVE is an action word. You can SAY you love them all the time, but its your ACTION that SHOWS you love them. Kiddos need that... especially teenagers. They are so caught up in peer pressure and being liked, if you SHOW them unconditional love, that will help them more than anything. So what if your A is too involved in his bottle... you can get involved without him!
take care and peace.