Hello and welcome to the forum.
You're getting lots of feedback from a vast array of people with experience with addiction:
Some are......
.....experienced with one addict and a currently successful outcome.
......experienced with one addict and have been dragged through the mire for years.
.....recovering addicts themselves.
.....experienced with multiple addicts and multiple rehab centers.
......new to the experience of addiction struggling with their own thoughts and feelings.
......working with the families of addicts and/or working directly with addicts in a volunteer or professional capacity.
Wow! That's what's really great about SR.....the wide variety of experiences.....all have some value. Their thoughts are shared with you but all are strongly biased by their own experiences. Always....take what is helpful to you and leave the rest (or store it away where you can refer to it in the future).
The one thing we all have in common is.....we love someone who is addicted. That is what brings us all here.
I was married to an addict. He never wanted to stop doing drugs. He never sought treatment. We were married for five years. We had a son. I loved him......but I divorced him. I left when the pain of staying with him was greater than the fear of leaving him. I met and married a wonderful man after my divorce whom I am still happily married to after 28 years. My husband is my partner (at home and we are also partners in our business). I consider that a success story for me. Not necessarily the route everyone should take but it was the right thing to do for me. There is no shame in it. I have lived with and loved a healthy, handsome, intelligent, hard-working, educated, non-addicted man for 28 years. It wouldn't have happened if I stayed married to my addicted ex.
The other part of my story is as the mother of an addict. My son has been through rehab five times. Two out patient and three inpatient. He is struggling. He doesn't want to use. He wants to be clean but it's a struggle. He knows that we love him. He has difficulty sustaining a continuous long term recovery. I enabled him for a long time. I no longer enable him but am very supportive of any efforts toward recovery.
Personally, I take care of me. I didn't do that very well for a very long time. The only "advice" I'll dole out is......take care of you. When there are children involved, that advice is modified to.......take care of you and the children. When we do that well, there is nothing bad that can come of it.
You, your children and your husband will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke