Al-Anon saved my life and the life of my AH (at least for awhile) and possibly others, because when I first walked into the rooms I was a borderline homicidal fool. INSANE did not seem like a strong enough word.
When we become absorbed in the process of addiction, logic does not apply. The more we try to apply logic and reason to the situation which is progressive/degenerative, the more insane we become. I had more rage than the A in my life and THAT was saying something. It is very much Like PTSD.
All these emotions have been sidelined, stuffed.. resentments we don't even KNOW about have been slowing building sometimes for years with no healthy outlet. We did not have the skills (even the pros struggle with it) to deal with such an insidious process that escapes our understanding. Most of us have suffered some type of abuse as a result of the process, be it verbal, emotional, physical or sexual and we have used every defense mechanism (including Denial) that we can muster.
We had become isolated, depressed, angry and yet ALL our energies were directed at trying to FIX what we "thought" (remember our thinking becomes distorted) was the problem and when we could not..what then? For me The 12 Steps and Al-anon said "there is a solution"..that was what I wanted, they said they had it and I demanded they fork it over forthwith..Just tell me what to do..They said Change your thinking, Keep and Open Mind and work the steps & IF you do that you will have a spiritual awakening and "you will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle you". THEY PROMISED.
I am a lady, but I do recall using some words that rhyme with duck at the time and I was madder still. This was not the answer I wanted. They said "We know", that is why you have not been able to find it. They told me to learn the 3C's (did not Cause, can not Control nor Cure& the 3 P's (Pause, Pray & Proceed) and to start with the Serenity Prayer, because it was to the Steps what kindergarten is to elementary school. I was not pleased.
.but I had tired/done everything else I knew (& some stuff I made up) to no avail.. and they were not a "glum bunch" and some of them had situations that seemed even more dire than mine. They sat around laughing and swapping recipes and knitting and talking about the "game" BF the meeting and appeared to be living "normal" lives ..I wanted what they had so I kept coming back..
I listened..and learned (boy did I have a lot to learn-beginning with detachment and to QTIP = Quit Taking It Personally) and finally recovered..
Al-Anon literally saves lives, it did mine.