welcome mimi, deep breath, most of us in here have felt the fear and disparity of putting the bottle down. it does get better in time. there's is a group of people here that care. that have endured and came out the other side. not that they're healed, but continuing on a journey so much more satisfying that the one we were on. you can do it, you're here, no matter how hard it is to believe it, it truly is your choice. I'm rooting for you.