Well, I'm going to blame this on my PMS and all, but your post made me cry. I saw my marriage right there in your words, spelled out at every turn. As I work my Al Anon program, I have seen where I was a martyr, too. I didn't even know I was doing it, I was just following my AH's lead. I have many times heard my AH's complaints against me and I have apologized over and over. Yet, I'm still feeling the animosity, the disconnect, and the mistrust.
I spoke with a friend a few days ago about how she knew when it was truly time to separate from her own AH. She claimed she had perfect peace. I told her I wanted that. She said she cried and screamed about NOT having perfect peace for nearly a year, though, before it happened for her. She'd call her sponsor up and be angry that 'it's not happening for me, I'm not at peace. I'm angry and pissed off and tired, just so tired.' That is how I feel right now. She gave me a shoulder to cry on but also gave me hope. And, so do you, formyboys! Thank you for sharing this part of your journey with us! HUGS!