Originally Posted by forabetterlife

Heading to bed now but I just spent the past 3 hours texting my ex. He barely texted back it was just me going on and on about everything that's happened with us. It was a waste of time, my heart is racing and my stomach is in knots. This is the kind of crap I would do for years when I was drunk. Now I'm 20 days sober and acting like I'm drinking a bottle of wine. This man and our dynamic is toxic to me and my well being. I know this, yet I am pulled to it anyway, just like drinking. Our relationship, just like mine with alcohol, has run it's course and what is left is unhealthy and I have outgrown it. I honestly do not want to be with him again, I just can't stand the idea of him with someone else. And I know that isn't right either.
Given the choice I guess I'm glad I just caved texting him and allowing myself to feel so obsessive rather caving into drinking . At least I will sleep well and wake up without a hangover. It was the lesser of two evils but still not good for me emotionally at all. I feel weak and desperate.