I am going to a meeting tonight, after having kicked my AH out on Jan 26th. I miss him so much, but not the messed up, unpredictable chaos. I hope that alanon can ease some of my guilt at kicking him out. I don't know why I miss him? He was mean, cruel, couldn't pay bills on time, and a smoker. What is wrong with me? I loved him more than anyone I have ever loved. I just feel like we are speaking different languages, now. He is not moving toward conciousness, and I feel angry. I know I shouldn't but I feel angry at myself for getting involved and for his inability to see what has to happen. I hope alanon is helpful, because I need something. I should have gone when we were together, but I didn't realize I needed to until he started being distant and withdrawn.