Oh gosh. What is recovery and where am I today?
I've been sober a little over six years. In that time, I have gotten married, bought a house, and had two kids. It has for sure not always been easy. I have suffered major depression for the past few years (again). This is probably because I stopped taking my meds when we started trying for a baby, then we had struggles with infertility, then a very traumatic pregnancy resulting in a 2.5 lb little girl, then a six week NICU stint, and post-partum depression. Then we did it all again (although minus the preemie and NICU stay). I'm looking at heart and kidney issues from the pregnancies now that I'm still trying to get sorted out, so that is causing a lot of stress. I also tried to go back to school for a different career a couple of years ago, but was unsuccessful (maybe because of the illnesses and baby troubles).
My husband and I sort of drifted away from AA after a couple of years sober, but I returned in the fall of last year when I was so depressed I was suicidal (and yet still trying to get pregnant - how crazy is that?!). I was on the verge of relapse, and I was worried my husband would leave me if I did relapse. We never really made a plan for that, which is probably stupid considering we are both alcoholics.
So I jumped back into recovery, got a new sponsor, and worked the steps. After baby #2, I have been suffering from health problems as well as post-partum depression and grief over not being able to have any more children. I didn't drink, but struggled with obsessive thoughts of drinking for a few months. I did, however, cut myself for a while again (had been "clean" from that for the same length of time as alcohol - so now starting over with that), and have been dealing with what I'm now recognizing as food addiction.
But I'm starting to do the things I know I should, and am hopeful that if I stay the course things will turn around. I got back on meds and am looking into therapy. I'm being more honest with my poor husband. Babies are both happy and healthy. The oldest started "school" this week, so that was traumatic (for me!). My work is sort of so-so. I'm not really giving it my full attention right now, which is bad. So I need to work on that. I should probably stop posting on here all the time at work. If my internet activity is audited, that could be a big problem. At the suggestion of many awesome people here and in my real world, I am trying to learn to live in the moment instead of worrying about the future or stressing about the past.
So I guess that's a snapshot of what "recovery" looks like for me right now. It's definitely a work in progress.