Thank you for this post. It's so hard to admit our part in it - but it MUST be done to really begin to heal ourselves and grow as human beings, in my opinion.
I had this realization earlier this week and decided to sit down with my ABF and actually ask him those tough questions. And listen. Not interrupt. Not react. Not roll my eyes. Just remember that this is how HE sees things - and I realized that they are VASTLY different than my view of things...and as for "reality", well, that's just perception.
I also realize that his perception of his drinking can be disproven with actual facts, but it wasn't the time to go there. I wanted to know how HE felt and what HE thought. Now I know, and I can feel good that we both have spoken and been heard. Do I think it's going to work out? Not with us both in the same house, no. And that's OK.
It'll be tough and he still may decide that if I don't life WITH him that we're NOT together anymore - and that's OK, too.
Thank you again.