formyboys...your post has spoken to me loudly. Where did you find this insight? Was it Al-Anon? Have you read any books that have helped you? Just curious. I just don't feel comfortable in the Al-Anon group that I'm in. I just turned 40 and each of the women in this group are in their late 50s or early 60s. They claim that the only thing keeping them married is finances. And the hold this broken marriage has on me is not about money. It's about control. It's about co-dependency. If I let go and I get divorced, I lose control of him. I will no longer be able to drag him out of the bars and police him...and mother him. And it's like you said, carrying around the anger and bitterness like it's some kind of medal of long-suffering. I had the exact same type of mother you had. I loved her dearly, but she did more to destroy us emotionally than the our father who left us. I truly believe that. Blessings to you and thank you so much for sharing.