formyboys, I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. It wasn't until my daughter told me that so much of the time in marriage with my x I definitely acted very passive aggressive and when she told me that it was the first time I actually took a good look at my part in the relationship. One of the most freeing moments is when I went to my x and ask him to forgive me for all the awful things I said and did to him. It finally sunk in that I wasn't saint fedup3 and he wasn't satan x. Self realization is really understated!