New Here .. Getting sober again.
Someone in a group for addicts told me that I should use the ocean or a mountain as my house higher power. I can see using the ocean house that's it is how brilliant how bold how it takes over the earth. I can see that being more powerful than me stronger than me. I can see it and when I lived in Florida I could feel it. So not sure I have spirituality persay... But I believe the power of the ocean... It's fast beauty how it covers the earth Could bring me back to sanity.
And I saw my sobriety counselor today and we talked. And the way she explained it to me I can do it. She said "Don't think that you have to stop forever" Just stop for now. Stop so that your parents can enjoy you for the rest of their lives. Then when they're gone if you want to pick up and use go ahead.
Believe it or not for me knowing that someday if I want to use again I can makes all the difference in the world. But maybe not what most aa or na people want to hear. But it makes my life my ability to stop more bearable. And right now I'm the only person that matters at least when it comes to this. I have a dual diagnosis. And I have to do it the way its best for me.
People have asked me What kind of counselor would offer me a solution to stop now.. only to use later date in the future? I'll tell you what kind? A person counselor or otherwise who knows me well enough to know that if i have to give up something forever i will never even start. I have been seeing her for quite some time. And decision making is not my best specialty. I tend to sit on the fence. By giving me this alternative... I can get OFF the fence. Even if its just for today Or tomorrow For the next 6 months or the next 6 years. But the idea of knowing that I can always go back Makes it easier to say no today. Maybe some people don't understand that but I'm stopping for me not for the court or for any law... Not because I hit rock bottom.. Not because I'm homeless or hungry. Because I want to stop for my mom and my dad Who are in their 80s. My dad wants me to stop. So for him for today I will.