well.... today was a little bit harder. Several times throughout the day, as others all talked about beer, beer, beer... drinking, drinking, drinking....
I kept having plaguing thoughts about how all of this business culture seems to so revolve around booze.
Being in situations where all the "power players" view drinking as a part of the business lifecycle and transaction. Expectations that you drink if you're to be seen as capable or worthy.
I vacillated between feeling sad about it and angry about it.
It's really frustrating to me that a group of professionals can't seem to go an hour without a reference to booze as the central focus of life, our jobs and everything.
I was able to play out the tape several times in counter-response to my AV trying to suggest that I could surely just have a beer here and there to keep up appearances....
But no. That's not how I roll. If I allow "a beer here and there", the line defining the boundary of "here and there" just grows and grows and grows. And frankly, if I am seen as lesser or not worthy by anyone because I choose not to drink - they're not anyone I want to be valued by.
I bagged out and did my own thing for dinner and headed back to my room to post this and read and go to bed early again, and I feel good and I feel strong but it was unsettling to have to wrestle through those feelings.
Haven't been able to get to a meeting yet so keep the good vibes coming my way if you will please. Thanks all.
