Originally Posted by
choublak 
I'm not talking about the action of drinking again, I'm talking about the ASKING someone else if it's okay. Like they bring it up to try and TEST the other person, to see their reaction. And in the end it makes no difference, because they were planning on drinking again all along.
Yeah, and it's one of those questions where there's no right answer, because whatever you say is going to be used as their license to drink.
If you say "no" you're a controlling nag who's driving them to drink, because they're an adult and can do whatever they want. If you say "it's up to you, you're an adult" they hear "yes, what a wonderful idea, please make sure you projectile vomit on the computer keyboard before you come to bed."
As for "the talk", I have no real suggestions. I made a boundary of not living with active alcoholism, so I no longer live with active alcoholism. But mine was never sober or working a program. With a relapse after so long, does he have an AA sponsor or someone you could talk to about this?