My A and I have been friends for 4 years, and he knows my history with my emotionally abusive ex. He was always so supportive and wonderful.
Finally, I moved in with him for all of the wrong reasons...and honestly didn't realize how bad his drinking really was until I was faced with it 24/7.
Things have been getting progressively worse emotionally. It started with little statements that made me feel like I shouldn't bring up this subject or that subject. Then it got to the point that if I mentioned anything about his drinking - especially setting boundaries for myself - he got REALLY angry.
Last weekend we had it out yet again - only this time it was actually REALLY bad. He was nastier and scarier than I'd ever seen anyone in a long time! Disrespectful, rude, screaming, blaming, cursing, name-calling, sarcasm. Just plain old MEAN....all because I tried to set a boundary. That was it for me. He said to me something like, "If you can't accept it then we aren't going to work." I told him I agreed (very calmly). Then he said that nothing is ever good enough for me...and I realize he's kind of right. Nothing short of sobriety out of him is going to be good enough for me - because I will NOT live in fear of his temper. I will not live in fear of expressing my feelings...
NOW he wants to talk and be loving...even though he doesn't know I'm looking for places to live. It's so hard to see him trying and knowing that it's "too little to late" for me. I need to be in a safe place and right now this isn't it.
Once I'm out into my own place I'd be willing to stay in a committed relationship with him and work on our relationship - but NOT if he's actively drinking. I can't do it - and I won't do that to myself.