Help Me Help Him
I have been married for around 8 months now with a 1 month separation in September. My husband and I have had problems since he moved in a couple years ago, but it wasn't until 2 months after the wedding that I found out he had an opiate addiction. I struggle to cope with it. I'm completely overwhelmed with the issues this addiction causes our family. I feel continuously heartbroken and deceived. The addiction started before I even met him which almost hurts worst. I don't know if his temper and violence stem from the substance abuse or if it's just who he is. I don't know because I didn't know my husband when I married him. After our separation in September we agreed to come back together with a clean slate. He was clean and felt better than ever and I had summoned the courage to forgive him for the mistakes he made in the past. He started back on the pills shortly after we got back together. I was completely fooled by his kindness and understanding when we started fresh with a "clean slate." But I knew something was going wrong because the aggression was getting worse week by week. I started snooping and found remnants of crushed up pills throughout the house. It broke my heart into pieces, but I agreed to stay with him as I had finally been able to forgive him and love him regardless. He gets clean for a short period and goes right back to it. I'm constantly deceived and it's causing a great deal of stress. I want to be there for him, but I don't know how to set my emotions aside in order to help in the best way possible. We have 2 children living with us in the household and he has a stepdaughter who visits every other weekend, I feel like a horrible mother for allowing them to be exposed to this. I am a full time college student working part time (2 days a week) and am still responsible for my half of the bills as well as all of the groceries. I'm completely run down and exhausted. I never truly comprehended the term "overwhelmed" until this happened. How do I drop my own feelings to take care of his? How can I give him unconditional positive regard? Please help me. I feel like a total failure as a wife because I can't manage to keep my emotions in check.