My heart just tore a little reading your post, and now I am in tears for you. I am sorry, I truly feel your pain. I went through the same things, same words, (the wanting a baby really got to me and still hurts even though omg not a good idea with him at all) the last time I took mine back, and it all went to **** again later, as you know. In a way I envy you, because he said such loving things to you and oh how I long to hear such things from mine, to know that he actually gives a rats ass about me, then I snap back to reality and it hits me. It would just go back to ugly again, mine doesn't care because he is incapable and totally devoted to that bottle of vodka, and it would be hella difficult to get him to leave again when it gets bad. Because it would. Don't beat yourself up for making a mistake. Keep your head on straight as you can while your heart is so fragile.
In my lowly opinion "all alone" pain is way better in the long run.
They say "the anticipation of death is worse than death itself", I think its a Japanese proverb or something. Your fear of the inevitable is worse than the actual inevitable. You survived it once, honey, and this time round you know more, you have battle scars on your heart that make you stronger, wiser than you were last time. Don't build it up into something its not before it happens because then you get a self fulfilling prophecy. You WILL survive this and come out the other side stronger. If you cannot picture yourself living with this sort of love and life for the rest of your life, then don't, and don't put yourself through hell for not wanting to.
I don't know how to stop loving mine, either, so if you figure out how, please let me know.