Originally Posted by
Lewis73 
And wife drinks.....not enough to endanger kids...but enough that I doubt she will ever quit.
But really - these things don't affect me. My life is good.
My "dating", while I appreciate may not meet everyone's approval, has helped me turn my life around more than any therapy could have. Being liked/appreciated/valued was like a slap in the face to the miserable person I had become and has helped me see that moving forward and having a life after all this is easy and fun.
I'm happy, kids are happy - right now, couldn't really ask for much more.
Hi Lewis,
You were wondering if your wife would quit when you split, now you know. Not always, but usually this is what happens...they have more time to drink without anyone breathing down their necks about it so it continues. Her drinking was never about you or your marriage. It is about her.
I doubt anyone thinks your dating is bad, Lewis. I am glad that you are happy. With all due respect, you have been depressed and really unhappy and unsure of yourself for months and probably longer than that. As we heal and try to rebuild ourselves, it is not advised to enter into a new relationship during that time until we are whole again. Casual dating is one thing, vacations together and relationships are another. In addition your kids have been through the ringer too and they need you now more than you might realize. It sounds like you are doing a lot with them, but between work, household duties, kids and your life, serious dating at this time is kind of not the priority. There isn't enough time in the day and your emotional energy is renewing. After having been out of an intense long term relationship, it just takes time to establish a new balance and if you rush it (tried that too) you can fall again and get hurt...as well as hurt those around you. I think that was the type of warning that people were giving you. Not that you are bad.
Dating when you are healthy is fun. I have mostly enjoyed it. But it changes too as you get older. Doesn't sound like you had much experience with women in your past, so unfortunately that makes you a bit naive on the lady front. The ones who are fast to hop into bed or relationships as you get older...there is a reason why they are single and it is never good. Lots of desperate for security types or emotional instability. The amazing single ladies are cooler and not desperate, so they don't aggressively pursue men.
You will figure it out. So glad that you and your kids are spending time together, THEY need that so much.