I will also say: I know that my anxiety around DS14's dad created a lot of conflict and anxiety for my son. It's one of my biggest parenting regrets. I am thankful for having gone through my own recovery because it has given me the tools to manage this kind of conflict with grace I didn't possess before.
If I had to give you advice (cough), I would suggest talking this over with your therapist and logging it away in the observation files. You're still taking stock in your RAH's recovery and whether or not the *r* in his modifier is going to work out for you. I wouldn't pick this hill to die on.