Originally Posted by
Mrrryah1 
It's hard to want something for yourself when you genuinly feel like you deserve to die for the way you've been living and treating people your entire life. I'm not trying to be dramatic. I don’t think anybody else on SR should die for the things they've done in their alcoholism. I only feel that way about myself, and it's hard to change that feeling. When I think about the way I've been living for the majority of my life, the hurt and pain and confusion that I've caused my family and the people that care about me, I just feel like a waste of life.
That's the person that god/the universe/whatever intended me to be - pure & good. Not this other thing I've become, full of hatred and rage and self pity and resentment.
Anyways. I am just hoping that through staying sober, working the steps and helping other people, I will start to care about myself again. I will start to feel like a decent human being again. I will start to want this for myself, again.
I can relate to all of this that I quoted. The guilt...so much guilt. Anger, resentment, you name it. I'm not going to make excuses for my behavior, but a lot of the things I've done have been the sickness or the alcohol. I chose to drink so I take responsibility, but I'm not a bad person. I've just done some bad things as a result of my addiction. Be gentle with yourself. Comfort yourself the way you would a dear friend. I know it's not easy but try to.