Originally Posted by
Stung 
Like if he's aware I think he'll be more conscientious of how he speaks to her in such a negative way.
Stung, how's this worked for him in the past?
My husband, who's an ACOA and an alcoholic in early recovery, likely would think I was trying to be right, I'm trying to make him wrong and it's just the way he is. He doesn't mean anything by it and the problem is with me. Part knee-jerk reaction; part "ism" in alcoholism -- take away the booze and there's still a whole lot of crazy going on in the brain. Sadly, I can't control the timetable on that healing.
I might ask if he was open to talking about some problems I'm having. If no, I'd ask when would be a good time --good opening for scheduling a counseling session. If yes, then maybe I'd grab a couple chairs and set them face to face to get us in the mood for honest interaction. I'd probably even say that I'm having a hard time communicating and need to practice this -- so very true for me!! (crap, yes, I really need to do this)
Keep to communication statements that directly effect you, not the kids: "I'm having a hard time with this..." "When you say this, it makes me feel..."
If I'd approach it as "it's not right" or "it'll make the kids feel", then he's going to get defensive and start wanting to prove me wrong.
Know what your boundary will be and how you'll follow through with it. The hardest part is if he continues to do this when you're not around, but only monitors himself when you could hear him. That's why I'd probably hand it over to his therapist to talk to him about.
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Firesprite, thank you! I've lost my emotional balance the last few days and am trying to find it. That does help.
