First of all, HUGE HUGS to you. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Secondly, please stop beating yourself up. Try to be gentle with yourself. You're only human. Everyone wants to be loved and cared for. Most people are afraid of being alone. Connections with others are one of the most important keys to happiness. It's just that POSITIVE people and relationships are what you need in your life. I'm sorry this is happening. Remember that you ARE strong and you deserve better. Keep posting. You will get through it. xoxoxo