I, too feel your pain, flipped. Tried divorce 12 years ago, but AH said he'd stay sober. NOT. Now, after bankruptcy, threatened suicide, etc, etc., he is out of house for 15 months. I let him back once at the beginning and was afraid I'd never get him to leave. Now trying to settle divorce he is once again trying to weasel his way back and is furious that I will not let him on the property without law enforcement present. We do get addicted to the chaos and it is hard to break the bond. Once broken, freedom is wonderful and I have to wonder how I made it so long in an abusive alcoholic life. I am getting to know me and it is pretty awesome. Hang in there and think forward. Life on the other side is worth living----and there is happiness to be found.