Dearest Flipped.....you ask "why". Why is the pain so powerful that you feel you can't resist the pull.......well, a large part of it is biologic. When we invest a large part of ourselves in the ones who are intimate in our lives----very strong bonds are formed...that is the way we were created and powerful hormones help this process along. It is how nature arranges for us to survive and pass along our genes. The survival of the species.
hen these bonds are interrupted---very painful feelings arise. Similar to the very young who are threatened with abandonment by their caregiver.
Right now--these painful feelings are normal. Of course, it feels like you will "die" without him.......BUT, YOU WON'T!! You will go through a necessary period of grieving, though. You will cry lots and you will hurt for a while. It is necessary for you to understand this.
This will not last forever. It is short-term pain for long-term gain.
You are soooo correct about one thing. You need to maintain the n o contact and keep your detachment from him. That is the shortest way to heal. Everytime you go running into his arms---you are just opening the wound up again. You seem to have already figured this much out......LOL......and, good for you!
Keep posting...you are going to work through this. You might want to get the book: From Abandonment to Healing"......it will explain so much and I believe it will help you a l ot. You can get it cheaply from Amazon.com if you get a used one.
dandylion